Saturday, August 22, 2009

HatEyes are Evil

These are the industrial strength magnifiers that clip to your hat brim. Just flip them down, bobs your uncle, instant magnifiers to tie on that fly. Not cheap crap, but optically ground plastic with a steel frame.
The evil downside. I've got a hat from a Pennsylvania flyshop (will be named in the personal injury lawsuit). The hat brim comes pre-curved so it will never work as semi-formal "gansta" wear (i.e. pool table flat brim, hat cocked 45 degrees to starboard or port). Due to this severe curve, the HatEyes will not slide up under the brim of this hat when I'm done tying on fly number 63. No big deal.
Okay, scene setter, I'm on a lake, middle of August, bright sunshine, 2 p.m., fish is directly ahead of me to the West, I inch back the fly, twitch, burn, HOLEY CRAP! MY UPPER LIP IS ON FIRE!!! WHAT THE HELL IS THIS? MY NOSE HAIRS BURST INTO FLAME!!! CRAP!! BAD WORD, BAD WORD, BAD WORD!!! ITS THE HATEYES!!! THEY'VE TURNED INTO MAGNIFYING GLASSES AND MY UPPER LIP IS THE ANT NEST!!!
I swear to God. I now have two blisters on my upper lip. Each about the size of a pencil eraser and slightly square. Think its time to grow a mustache before Monday or I'm gonna take SO much crap at work.
Frank Reid
(maybe I just say I went to the dermatologist and had a couple of suspicious spots burned off)

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