Saturday, February 14, 2009

Put a head on it

Hydration whilst fishing is important. When you hydrate, you can fish longer. This is not only important in warm weather, but even in cold weather. That's how we get to today's story.
Camelback backpack bladders are a wonderful invention. They are used extensively by the military to keep our soldiers and airmen going with plenty of liquid. I also use one to keep me going on the stream, but I learned a very valuable lesson from a "friend."
This person, who shall remain nameless, gently poured a four bottles of fine microbrew beer in his Camelback before heading a stream. The beer got a bit shook up as he walked, rod in hand. The bladder pack started to swell under the pressure. This "someone" noticed that the straps to the bladder pack had gotten tighter and tighter, and, by the time he realized that he had to do something about it, the bladder was so swollen he couldn't get it off. He started flailing around, trying to get to his knife to cut off the straps, but the straps were pulling his shoulders back so far he couldn't reach anything. Then again, he couldn't have held his knife even if he could reach it 'cause he had lost the circulation in his arms. His hands started to blow up as big as the pack and turn a loverly shade of puce. I'm told he looked like cross between a camel and a tyrannosaurus, big hump and useless arms with a really nasty look on his face, bulging eyes and all.
Relief finally came when the tap from the drinking tube blew off, striking him in the throat and then the now free tube flipped around like a fire hose with no one holding the end. Now the hose is beating him about the face, spraying 64 oz of beer into his eyes and one good shot directly up the left nostril.
The pressure released and, after a few minutes to return the circulation to his arms, this "someone" ripped off the Camelback, stabbed the crap out of it with his knife (to ensure no one else could be injured by such a vile device), and buried it in the woods. He then walked back to his truck, drank the other two beers and decided that he'd go back to carrying bottles of Gatorade in the back of his vest.