Tuesday, July 7, 2009

Death of a Quilt Hero

No, it’s not the slow death of cancer or the quick one of using that fat quarter of imported brown batik to clean up after changing the oil in the car (hey, it looked like an oily rag). No, this was “death by Alex Anderson.”
Let’s roll back a couple of days. The blushing bride is going out of town, to, surprise, surprise, a quilt show. One of her requests of me was to take some of the 30 plus hours of Simply Quilts reruns that she’s recorded on the Digital Video Recorder (DVR) and transfer them to the DVD Recorder so she can save them to DVD.
No problemo, I’m a computer geek. I’ll download them from one system and upload them on another. Whoops, the cable company’s DVR won’t let that happen. The USB port is disabled.
Okay, do it the old fashion way. “What’s that Dear? You don’t want the commercials? But, but that means…”
“You can’t possibly mean…”
“Yes I can.”
So, I start recording them, one at a time. Without commercials, I’m cutting a half hour show down to between 19 and a half and 23 minutes.
Hour two, this isn’t so bad. She’s got a big smile.
Hour three, I’ve almost got her commercial breaks timed.
Hour four, hey, that technique to hand dye silk is pretty cool.
Hour six, oh for Pete’s sake. Will you look at the points on that guest’s quilt? They’ve got to be a quarter inch off each and every one! What was she thinking fussy cutting that stripe fabric on the bias?
Hour eight, DON”T LET NANCY KIRK IN FRONT OF A SEWING MACHINE!!! She’s a quilt historian, not a quilter.
Hour twelve, Okay Alex, stop smiling and stop talking to me like I’m an idiot. I know the how to use a roller cutter.
Hour fifteen….. Getting sucked in… Must stop.. but that technique on the Nigerian quilts is so cool..
Hour seventeen and a half… Alex, look at that hair style. What were you thinking?
Hour twenty two.. CRASH!! The door gets kicked in. Five male friends rush into the room and grab me. “It’s an intervention, Frank. It was either you or Brittany Spears and you look better with your head shaved.” “But,,, they’re going to demonstrate Origami quilting!!! Let me goooooo!!!”
Now, I’m writing from the drag strip. We’re waiting for the races to start. This being the first week of March in Nebraska, we’ve got a long wait. I said they were friends, didn’t say they were smart.
Hmm, I wonder if I can do a cigar silk type quilt out of these wrist bands.

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